Excel Junkie Top 10 List
I just read Conrad Systems Development’s Access Junkie Top 10 List. I think we need one for Excel Junkies. Here are some candidates for Top 10 Signs You Are an Excel Junkie, in no particular order.
- When your car breaks down, you open Excel 2003 Power Programming with VBA to learn how to fix it.
- You try to press F8 on your microwave to step through the cooking process and figure out why your popcorn always burns.
- You’ve tried to re-write Quicken in Excel.
- You think in terms of Excel formulas, i.e.
=IF(AND(MIN(Temperature, 50)=50, WEEKDAY(NOW(),2)=6, NOT(Rain)),"Play Golf", "Sleep In") - You’ve painted gridlines on the floor of your house so you can more accurately refer to specific locations. “Pick up those dirty socks at AC314, then F5 back to A1″
- You pine for a Control+Z after answering the infamous “Does this make me look fat?” question.
- When your spouse says “Because I said so” in an argument, you reply:
I cannot resolve your logic. References in your logic refer to your conclusions, creating a circular reference. Try one of the following: If you accidentally created a circular reference, say OK. I will help you correct the reference. For more information about why your logic stinks, say Help. To continue ranting illogically, say Cancel.
- You no longer associate the F1 key with help. (Excel 2003 Junkies only)
Certainly you have some that are better than this. Let’s hear them.
Mike Alexander:
When you have a quick math problem to solve, you open Excel instead of calculator.
4 May 2006, 12:05 pmMike Alexander:
You check out what’s new on Daily Dose of Excel before surfing porn.
4 May 2006, 12:09 pmHaffy:
You have more books by J-Walk or Mr Excel than any other author.
4 May 2006, 12:15 pmHaffy:
You regularly check a blog based in Omaha.
4 May 2006, 12:23 pmMike Alexander:
Your kid thinks the founding fathers are Dan Bricklin and Bob Frankston.
4 May 2006, 1:17 pmchip:
Your major complaint in life is that the Daily Dose of Excel hasn’t exactly been “daily” lately
You named your two dogs “MATCH” and “INDEX”
4 May 2006, 2:05 pmKruncher:
Good ones Mike.
When rearranging furniture in a room, you refer to the pieces as RowFields, ColumnFields and DataFields.
You call getting dressed for the day “formatting”. Coats and gloves are in the conditional formatting collection.
You tap your belt buckle twice expecting to autofit into your pants.
4 May 2006, 2:07 pmDoug Glancy:
You’ll spend an hour writing VBA code for a newsgroup poster named “xLd0g32″, but you don’t know your neighbor’s name.
4 May 2006, 5:34 pmRembo:
Sub MyLife()
5 May 2006, 12:38 amDim sTumped As String
sTumped = InputBox(”What’s so funny about this?”, “I don’t get it”)
End Sub
Hui...:
You do a
Count( Dot Points (Excel Junkie Top 10 List) )
and the answer is 8 ?
Hui…
5 May 2006, 12:46 amEye:
You surf excelpages instead of the usual male (o female) standard fashion,porn or similar!
I do that myself, start almost every workday getting my daily dose of excel…..
Could the statement below be true?
5 May 2006, 12:59 amExceljunkie = someone that sees working with Excel as fun
jkpieterse:
When you stumble over bug # 372465 in Excel VBA, you don’t throw out the entire package. Instead, you spend three hours writing 5 pages of code to work around a problem that should work in a single line.
5 May 2006, 1:55 amRoger Govier:
When
=ISNUMBER(FIND(”myself”,”solving last Xlprobem at 3:00 am”)) = TRUE
5 May 2006, 2:54 amHarald Staff:
YOur file management tool is built with Excel. And your html editor. And your internet radio receiver.
(Yes, I know I have problems
5 May 2006, 2:13 pmBest wishes Harald
frank:
On your way to work, you realise you forgot your badge. You go back home to fetch it, and just to make sure you don’t miss anything, log on to Daily Dose of Excel. A totally unnecessary post catches your attention and you make some totally unnecessary comment. You arrive at work an hour later than intended and feel good about it.
5 May 2006, 3:18 pmDMill:
When the number on the back of your softball jersey is 65536.
8 May 2006, 9:55 amjkpieterse:
Mine says 1,048,576 ….
9 May 2006, 8:48 amTerry Grignon:
When you can’t find the Microsoft logo on a pack of Excel gum you actually spend time looking up whether Microsoft was litigation pending against the gum company.
10 May 2006, 8:50 amBrett:
I’ll bite. JKP, what is the significance of 2^20?
10 May 2006, 3:01 pmbrettdj:
… number of rows in the new Excel release
10 May 2006, 9:38 pmRichard Schollar:
You get really annoyed when your day job gets in the way of surfing Excel forums
11 May 2006, 2:21 amjkpieterse:
Brett,
Even Better: Have a shirt with XFD on it. (Last column in Excel 2007)
That will ensure some curious faces (”Hey, what does that acronym on his shirt stand for?”)!
11 May 2006, 3:54 amPistolprinsen:
XFD = National Board of Word-blindness
29 May 2006, 5:57 am